It will be okay.

    They say there are five stages of grief that everyone goes through with the passing of a loved one. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. But when someone takes their own life, the stages of grief become much more complex, at least they did for her.

    They weren't even really what most people would consider to be friends, they were more acquaintances. They'd talk at parties, they'd say hi if they ran into each other in public, they'd swap a joke or a story every so often, but they never talked on a regular basis. She guessed that was mostly her fault. A lot of people hated him simply for being himself, and she was one of those people. As years past and they began talking more, she saw a different side to him. She was sure he suffered from some form of mental illness and wished he'd talk to someone, but sooner rather than later, it was too late.

    She could remember the day as clearly as she could remember her own name. The day she got the news that he'd taken his own life. She witnessed the entire community pause. He was the guy who made everyone around him smile, simply being in his presence was enough to make anyone smile. He had the biggest smile, and an even bigger heart. He was always joking, always laughing, he never wanted anyone to be sad because of him. She guessed that's ultimately why he ended up taking his own life. He didn't want to make others sad, so he never talked about his feelings. He never opened up about what was going on inside of his own head.

    Suicide causes everyone around the deceased to be haunted by one question: “Why? The question of why echoed in the halls the following day as loudly as the school bell. While it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop, you could hear the sound of hearts breaking as the students silently grieved the loss of a friend. They grieved in silence, because no one knew what to say. No one knew how to confront the fact that a beloved friend had just taken his own life.

    His funeral was exactly what he would have wanted. It was kept light, his presence was brighter than the brightest stars in the skies that day. It was filled with stories, and laughter showed from behind tear filled eyes. As his best friend got up and sang a song in his memory, it became clear that his memory would never be forgotten.

    As years passed, she learned some very important lessons. Lesson one: you cannot live in the past. Following his death, she spent years wondering what she could have done differently. If they were closer, would he have opened up to her? Would he have been able to talk to her? Could she have gotten him the help she desperately believed he needed? Could she have prevented this somehow? Eventually, with the help of her friends, she realized there was nothing she could have done.

    Lesson two: you can't allow yourself to remain sad forever. She spent months thinking she wasn't allowed to have emotions. She didn't deserve to be happy, because he was so unhappy he took his own life. Therefore, she also wasn't allowed to be sad, because he was so sad it cost him his life. She was stuck in an endless circle of refusing to allow herself to feel anything. Eventually, she pulled herself together and realized this wasn't what he wanted. He was closed off in his life, because he didn't want the people around him to be sad. Being sad over his death, was the farthest thing from what he would have wanted.

    Lesson three: it will be okay. It's okay to move on, it's okay to feel again, it's okay to be happy. Nobody wants to cause someones unhappiness. Most suicides are a way to escape their own pain, but they don't realize they just pass the pain on to someone else. But it will be okay. It doesn't get any easier, you just get better at dealing with the pain.

   Lesson four (and the most important lesson of all): it's okay to ask for help. She spent a long time thinking asking for help was a sign of weakness. She didn't want anyone to know she was hurting. One day a friend reached out to her and told her its okay to be sad. Its okay to need support. Its even okay to ask for help. This is a lesson everyone needs to learn. Needing help in your life isn't a sign of weakness. If anything, asking for help is one of the most courageous things you can do.

    All of these lessons, all of the years that have passed, all of the hurt she has felt, has left her with one very important message for everyone reading this: If you need help, if you are depressed, if you are feeling like there is no escape, there is always someone willing to listen. There is someone out there who wants to listen. There is someone out there who very desperately wants to help you, and just doesn't know how. Reach out, ask for help, it's okay to ask for help. There are people who love you, and there are people who care. Don't close yourself off until it's too late. The hurt you're going through is just a chapter in the book of your life. Don't get hung up on one page. Move onto the next chapter, and look forward to better and brighter things, because they are coming. It won't be like this forever. Your story isn't over.

BB17 - "The Audrey Show"

    Although Steve and Jackie sit on the block as this episode begins, James and Jason immediately meet in the HOH room to discuss how many votes they need in order to backdoor Jace. Recent events have caused the majority of the house to turn against Jace, wanting him to go home this week. Despite his goofy personality, and urge to make the other houseguests laugh, it seems to simply annoy the rest of the house, rather than make them like him. In an effort to lighten the mood, Jace decides streaking through the back yard is a good way to make the others like him, but the houseguests seem less than impressed, which causes Austin to fear for his own game, feeling being associated with Jace may cause people to target him as well.

    In a desperate attempt to get on James' good side prior to the Power of Veto competition, Jace and Austin meet with James and Audrey in the HOH room. Jace makes a promise to James that if he wins Head of Household next week, he will keep James safe if James does not nominate him this week. This conversation causes “Cloud-Town” to be formed between the four houseguests.

    Being a fan of the game, Da'Vonne knows there is often a competition involving counting, and the objects in the house. As Da' begins to walk around the house, counting different objects in order to drill them into her memory for the future, Jeff, Clay, and Shelli grow wary of her as she enters their bedroom in the house. Jeff decides to take the initiative and question Da' about it, which causes her to feel personally attacked. Da' isolates herself in the HOH bedroom in order to calm down, when Jeff joins her in an attempt to apologize. Despite his apology, Da' feels it is fake and he is only doing it for damage control, which seems to just anger her more. To make matters worse, Clay also joins Da' in the HOH room to apologize, but again, she doubts the sincerity of his apology, and grows angry at Audrey, feeling Audrey convinced him to apologize, and told him exactly what to say.

    Slop makes its entrance into the BB17 house, as James is informed that as the first HOH of the season, he must be pick the first four have nots of the season. James picks Liz, Austin, Vanessa, and Da'Vonne as have nots, feeling it only fair considering those four are safe for the week, and do not have the fear of being nominated or evicted. As the have not room is revealed, John may be regretting not volunteering to be a have not this week, as it resembles a dentist office. Although in the diary room, John complains about the outdated equipment and states “This is a dentist I wouldn't want to go see!”, which seems ironic considering several houseguests and fans, feel the exact same way about this “creepy dentist”.

    James, Steve, Jackie, Becky, John, and Jason compete in the first Power of Veto competition of the season. The competition consists of the houseguests searching for letters spread across the backyard. They have ten minutes to gather as many letters as possible, to spell a word. Each letter is assigned to a point system, similar to the game of Scrabble. The person who spells the word totalling the highest total points, will be crowned the winner of the POV. Austin confesses he is secretly hoping for James to win, because he feels James will do what him and Jace want with the veto. Little does he know, James wants to win in order to use the veto to backdoor Austin's best friend in the house. For what may be the first time in BB history, every player in the competition manages to correctly spell a word in the ten minutes provided. However, it was Steve to come out on top with the word “trombonists” equaling a total of twelve points. In celebration, Steve shows off his knowledge of the game as he references past players words, specifically Brendon's from BB12, stating he had the longest word in history with the word “understanding”.

    New alliances start to form in the Big Brother house as the episode continues. Or should we say, Audrey makes more alliances as the episode continues. Already in two alliances, one between her, James, Jason, Da'Vonne, Meg, and Clay, and another between her, James, Austin, and Jace, Audrey still doesn't feel secure as she begins recruiting more people into her alliance. Audrey goes as far as to threaten Jeff, stating if he doesn't want to be nominated this week, he'd better come upstairs to talk.        Clearly feeling in power of the house, housemates grow wary of Audrey, and James contemplates nominating her instead of Jace as the replacement nominee. Several fans, including BB16 winner Derrick, have begun comparing Audrey to Devin from last season. Derrick recently tweeted that watching her play the game was giving him Devin flashbacks. Big Brother might as well be renamed "The Audrey Show" after this episode, but Audrey had better be careful, or she could be the next one out the door.

    Feeling completely safe, Jace is shocked as he is named the replacement nominee after Steve uses the Power of Veto to save himself. Austin is also surprised from the veto outcome, and once again begins to fear for his own safety knowing the house had been lying to him and his “bro”. As the episode concludes, it seems “Cloud-town” wasn't as real for James as it was for Austin and Jace. Jace's fate seems sealed, but will this duo have the charm it takes to flop the house to their advantage? After all, expect the unexpected.

Pawn City - BB17 Nominations

    It seems Neil Patrick Harris' “Bro Code” made a very special appearance in tonight's episode of Big Brother 17. In the opening scenes, we see Austin and Jace beginning to form a strong bromance in the house, as they start throwing “bro codes” back and forth. They definitely gave viewers a laugh, but it seems some houseguests are just getting more and more irritated with the duo, now being referred to as “Shelltown” due to their conversation through sea shells being used as telephones. It seems these two guys are definitely imitating “Chill town” from Season 2, although we're pretty positive they will be as successful as the previous duo.

   

   BBTakeover continued to shake up the house, as Phil from TAR returned on the screen once again in tonight's episode to conclude his takeover. Phil states he is introducing “Big Brother Fast Forward” into the game. This means both Vanessa and Da'Vonne will “fast forward” to next week, meaning neither houseguest can be nominated or evicted from the house this week. As if that wasn't enough to shake up the house, each player also received a chance to pick one other play to take with them on this “fast forward.” Vanessa seemed to be thinking logically as she goes to each house guest, and decides she wants to pick someone who may win HOH next week, and owe her a week of safety. Da'Vonne however decides not to share this power with her alliance of Shelli and Audrey because she feels it may make them a target in future weeks. This however causes Shelli to question her loyalty, causing cracks to spread throughout their alliance once more. In the end, Vanessa decided to save Austin for the week, while Da'Vonne chooses to save Liz.

    In the HOH room, James and Audrey conspire a plan to backdoor Jace after James makes a promise to Audrey that she is safe this week. From there, James starts “recruiting pawns” to put his plan into motion. Everybody seems to be on board with James' plan, several players even offering to be nominated as a pawn. Everyone, except for Steve who knows this game too well to volunteer, knowing in more than one situation, the pawn does go home. In the Diary Room, Steve let his feelings out on the matter saying “why would anyone agree to this?!” Perhaps we should ask Jordan Parhar from BBCAN3 for some insight on the situation, as Jordan volunteered to go on the block and was later evicted.

    During the nomination ceremony, the plan of backdoor was put into motion as Jason nominated John and Becky, stating that they have no personal connections, while James nominated Steve and Jackie, stating he is sure one of them will be able to win veto to remove themselves from the block. After the nominations, Jace seems to feel completely secure with his position in the house, but for how long? Seems this season might as well be titled “Pawn City”.

    The Battle of the Block competition consisted of HG's having to transfer building blocks from one side of the back yard to the other, across a rotating balance beam. They then had to duplicate a building based on the blueprints on the other side of the yard. Steve seemed to have extreme difficulty balancing, falling off several times. Leaving Becky and John to fly through the competition, coming out on top, and dethrowning Jason as HOH, leaving Steve and Jackie on the block for eviction, at least for now. However as we already know, the plan is for one of the nominees to win POV, in order to remove themselves, giving them the chance to backdoor Jace. As most weeks in the Big Brother house, this week will prove no different. The final eviction all comes down to who wins the veto. Will Steve or Becky succeed in removing themselves? Will Jace be able to fight enough to survive another week in the house? We'll find out soon enough. For now, Good-Night.

BB17 Premiere - Part 2

    Eight more houseguests enter the house, in three separate groups on tonight's episode f Big Brother 17. Six more enter the house in two groups, which everyone in the house seemed to see coming. Once all 14 are in, the houseguests gather around the round table for introductions. As always, some players lie about their careers, and others tell the truth. Vanessa tells the house that she is a DJ, when in fact she is a high stakes poker player, but no one seems to doubt her. John tells the house he is a dentist, which Da'Vonne immediately doubts. It's always funny to me when the house doubts the person telling the truth, but believes the one who is lying. Clay immediately becomes nervous of Steve, due to his resemblance of Ian Terry. Which leaves everyone to wonder, will Steve's gameplay resemble Ian's? It seems several houseguests this season were made in a cloning machine from past players.

    Houseguests panic and rush to the living room as the BBTakeover theme plays for the first time this season. As they gather, Phil Keaghan from The Amazing Race appears on the screen. Phil states that due to several Big Brother couples crossing over and competing on TAR, it's now his responsibility to return the favour by putting a couple from his show, into the house to play the game. HG's freak as Jeff and Jackie from The Amazing Race enter the house. Good thing I'm not in the house this year, because I wouldn't have known who they were without Phil's clip.

    Shortly after Jeff and Jackie enter the house, the second HOH competition of the season begins in the backyard. The same as the first competition, HG's must pick one of the second group of 8 players to sit out from the competition. Vanessa agrees, willing to take a gamble and hope she gets something good out it. This competition, was titled “U-F-Oh No!” It consisted of each houseguest holding onto a wooden pole for as long as they could. This competition, required strength as every so often, a “UFO” would appear and tug on the ropes attached to each HG, trying to beam them up into the ship. Not surprisingly, Steve was the first to be beamed away, and the first eliminated from the competition. However, in a surprising turn, Jason was the one to hold on the longest and become the second HOH. Although to win, he did have to strike a deal with Jackie that he would not nominate her for eviction this week, if she let him have the win. Will he hold true to his word this week? We'll find out soon enough.

    

    As this uneventful episode pulls to a close, Phil Keaghan appears on the screen once more to throw a teaser to the houseguests. He calls out Da'Vonne and Vanessa for sitting out the HOH competitions, and states that sacrifice will be rewarded, but not right now. The houseguests, and all of us at home, will find out soon how these players will be rewarded, but not tonight. It seems most fans would like to see the house evict the Amazing Race couple sooner rather than later, but will the houseguests have the same opinion? Will the house catch onto the “Twin Twist” that was introduced to all of us at home during last nights episode? And how will the Battle of the Block affect James and Jason's nominees? Find out next time, and if you miss the episode, we'll have all the details right here!

    For now, good-night. Hopefully the next episode of BB17 will be more eventful.  

Premiere Part 1 - BB17

    We meet the first eight houseguests in part one of the two night premiere of Big Brother 17. Connections immediately start to form as the first eight are introduced and enter the house. Austin AKA “Judas”, or as some fans refer to him “Hairy Dan”, immediately told his fellow houseguests he is a professional wrestler. Not really much of a surprise, considering his obvious size. Audrey however, shocked houseguests as she openly admits to being transgendered.

    Shelli and Clay seemed to immediately be attracted to each other, despite the obvious age difference between them. How could this potential showmance shake up the house, and how could it affect their personal games? Time will tell. Shelli wasn't the only one to become attracted to Clay within seconds. In fact, it seems almost everyone in the house drew a liking to this cowboy as he shared his story during their first introductions. Seems he may have an incredible social game if his charm withholds.

    Audrey took charge the first day in the house, as she gathered with Sherri and Da'Vonne to from the first alliance of the season, stating she wants the girls to do well this year. If there's anything we know from past seasons, it's that all female alliances don't have the greatest track record in the history of this game. Although, Sarah and Brittnee beat the odds recently in BBCAN, maybe these three will be able to do the same. Despite the quick alliance, we can already spot a few cracks making their way through the group. As questions arise around Audrey's transformation, Da'Vonne doesn't seem to be buying everything she's selling. Although she believes Audrey is adding some salt and pepper to spice her story up, she agrees that other houseguests hanging onto every word is great for their alliance and social game; but will Da'Vonne be able to trust her, if she already thinks she's lying?

    Houseguests panicked as Julie Chen appears on the big screen, calling all houseguests into the living room for the first twist of the season. Once all are gathered, Julie announces that a “fan favourite” will return this season, the Battle of the Block. Although most fans definitely disagree that this is a favourite, it will serve to cause chaos in the Big Brother house for the second year in a row. For those unfamiliar, the Battle of the Block means two houseguests will be crowned as Head of Household each week. Each HOH must nominate two houseguests for eviction, meaning a total of four houseguests will be nominated each and every week. From there, the nominees go into battle.        The winners, will dethrown their nominater, and save themselves from eviction. This means for the second time, a houseguest could go from HOH to evicted, all in one week.

Seven of the first eight houseguests competed in the first HOH competition of the season, to determine the first of two HOHs. Julie told them they were to determine which would not be competing, when Da'Vonne offered to sit out of this competition. From there, the HG's competed in a competition titled “Flying Tomatoes”. This competition, consisted of the seven houseguests balancing on a moving platform, where Big Brother was to throw “tomatoes” at them. The HG's then had to catch those “tomatoes” and drop them into a canister. The first to gather 10 total tomatoes became the first HOH. It came down to a battle between 4. Jace, Shelli, Audrey, and James all fell off within seconds of each other to end the game. To determine who won HOH, it came down to an instant replay between producers, who concluded James was the last to fall, crowning him as the first HOH of the summer.

    As houseguests gathered back in the living room, Julie announced yet another twist, titled “Big Brother Takeover”, and here's how it works. Each and every week, a new twist will be entered into the game. This is sure to stir things up, as special guests enter the house to announce these takeovers. However, that's not the end of the twists for this Big Brother premiere. Hidden from the HG's, Julie also announced a twins twist for us at home. For the first five weeks, somebody will be playing with their identical twin. Meaning they will swap roles frequently, playing together and disguising as one houseguest. If these twins survive for the first five weeks, they will then have the opportunity to enter the house as individual players. How will this shake the house in the weeks to come? Time will tell. 

    As always, expect the unexpected. Goodnight, fellow fans.

"Fast Track to Finale" - Special Eviction!

    In a surprise eviction episode of Big Brother Canada, house guests begin to panic as Arisa appears on screen announcing another member will be joining jury within the hour. With the season finale just two days away, we're on a time crunch which means special evictions are bound to happen. Still, this rattled the house guests and caused everyone to begin campaigning to stay in the house. No one campaigned as much as Godfrey, as he continued to play both sides of the house, talking to all three girls about why they should keep him in the house if they were to win the Power of Veto.

    In the final POV competition of the season, “Fast Track to Finale”, house guests competed alone in the back yard to try to have the fastest time. They were challenged to match events in the house, to the proper day those events happened. After figuring out which event belonged to which day, they then had to find the correct number on one of two trains, and rebuild a city with the blocks based on the position of the number on the train. Most house guests had issues remembering certain events, which is bound to happen after spending so many days in the Big Brother house. However, no one struggled as much as “Queen B”, Brittnee Blair. After an hour and a half in the competition, struggling to match these days and events, Brittnee made the decision to quit and forfeit her chance at the POV.

     Despite people giving Pilar hell for quitting competitions, fans do not seem to be giving B the same judgement that was given to her. In fact, it almost seems people are finally cutting Pilar some slack. We later see B and Sarah in the HOH room, where B confesses she is disappointed in herself for dropping out of the POV competition, but realized she'd been out there far longer than every body else, and knew she had no shot at winning. Perhaps people are beginning to realize Pilar felt the same way. When you're waiting in the HOH room for the others to finish before your turn, you have a pretty good idea at how long they've taken, therefore know if your time is significantly longer.

    After lots of frustration, Ashleigh won the Power of Veto, gaining the ability to pull herself off the block for the third time in a row. All house guests knew Ashleigh was going to use the veto on herself, so it became a battle between Godfrey and Brittnee trying to get her on their side, so she would keep them in the house. B even went as far as to tell Ash that if she were to win the final HOH, she would take her to the final two over Sarah. Despite their efforts, Ash did what everyone figured she would by removing herself from the block and choosing to evict Brittnee from the house. This move leaves some fans to question her game play, considering Zach told her she needed to get B out before he left the house.

     Fans still seem to be focused on Ash playing Zach's game, but the truth of the matter is Ashleigh has been playing her own game since he left. She's not the only person in history to shelter behind a showmance in order to further herself in the game. The week Zach was evicted, and the two weeks since, Ashleigh has won 3 consecutive POV's, removing herself from the block three weeks in a row. In my opinion, that's extremely impressive and Ashleigh 100% deserves to be in the final three. Honestly? I'm routing for her to win at this point in the game.

    Before the episode ends, Arisa appeared on screen once again, sending more panic through the house. She announced one final surprise before the finale, stating that if the houseguests have been doing the math, they'll realize their are ten jury members this season. Since the final vote can not end in a tie, it is now up to the three remaining house guests to choose one member to evict from the jury house, meaning they will not have a chance to vote for the winner of BBCAN3. The house guests were then sent to the vault and told they were to remain there until they came to a unanimous decision.

    As the episode ended, we see the three of them arguing over who to evict. They each chose two they did not want evicted, which upset Godfrey as he realized he did not have any votes guaranteed. Ashleigh and Sarah began to gang up on him saying it is not their fault he did not make any alliances this season. If this continues, Ash and Sarah may just team up against Godfrey and take each other final two. All of this is just speculation based on what has been happening, but we will all find out for sure what will happen Wednesday night at the two hour season finale!  

S&B - Final 3?

    The 27^th episode of Big Brother Canada Season 3 begins after both Pilar and Zach have been evicted in last weeks double eviction. After losing her two best friends and alliance members, this leaves Ashleigh completely alone in the Big Brother house. Will her wits and beauty be enough to save her this week? Only time will tell. Despite Ashleigh being all alone, Godfrey seems to still have a few options available. Although Brittnee has gone out of her way to save him on more than one occasion this season, Godfrey does not seem to feel as though he owes her anything, as he continues to work with both sides of the house.

    Going into the Head of Household competition, everyone knows it's crucial this week. Even Godfrey admits that he needs to win, and that he's finally done throwing competitions. The competition consisted of a series of quotes being played to the house guests. Each quote had been voice altered, so you could not tell who was speaking solely on their voice. The objective of the competition was to correctly match as many quotes as possible with the correct house quest who said those words. Ashleigh began to get frustrated as she slowly fell out of the competition, trailing 3 points behind as it became a fight between Sarah and Godfrey for the win. In the end, after correctly matching each quote thrown their way, Sarah pulled out on top, securing her spot in final three.

    As the show continues, Godfrey and Ashleigh pull together to try to convince Sarah to nominate her best friend, and closest ally, Brittnee for eviction. They make good points, stating that “Queen B” has made several power moves while being in the Big Brother house, and none of them will win against her. Kudos to them for trying, but despite their efforts, Sarah was not about to turn her back on her best friend.

    Excited for a little bit of a break from the game, house guests freak out as Gary Levy entered the house for the Big Brother awards, joined by Ika from season 2. Gary and Ika gave the house guests complete make overs, including fancy evening wear, new hair styling for the ladies, and even a shaving for Godfrey. Big Brother played clips of each nominee in four separate categories before announcing the winner of each award. Up for Best BBTV Skills were Sarah's stand up comedy act, and “Tres B's” Brittnee, Bruno, and Bobby's dance routine. House guests loved each clip, but Canada voted Sarah's stand up the winner. Canada also voted for Godfrey telling Zach during his POV ceremony “I want your blood on these hands” as their favourite “Godfrey Speech”, and Sarah and Bruno's epic fight the night of the triple eviction as their favourite “Battle of the Words”. Which leaves the last award of the evening for “Best Make-Out Session” up for grabs between Kevin and Pilar's kissing in the rain, and Sarah and Willow's kissing in the pantry. House guests were in awe of the romantic moment Kevin and Pilar shared outside in the rain, and were shocked at the passionate moment between Sarah and Willow. Canada voted, and Kevin and Pilar took the win. Really, how could they not? I think all of Canada is routing for those two to continue their romance outside the house. After all, Kevin did state “this started out as a crush, but now it's becoming more”, and now that the two are reunited in jury, who knows where their relationship will head?

    Desperate to stay in the house, Ashleigh goes to Brittnee to try to convince her to save her this week. She states that the jury likely credits all the power moves to Sarah, thinking she is the mastermind this season, and that B will not win against her in final two. I have to give props to Ashleigh, she's fighting hard to stay in this house. During their talk, Sarah, Brittnee, and Ashleigh all come to a shocking realization. While each of them have at least one enemy in jury who is guaranteed not to vote for them to win this game, Godfrey does not have a single enemy. The girls begin to worry over this sudden realization, stressing over the fact that Godfrey has had an incredible social game, and could very well win over every jury member if he makes final two.

    Despite their efforts, Sarah refused to turn her back on B, as she nominates Ashleigh and Godfrey for eviction this week. She ended the nomination ceremony by using Godfrey's own words against him, stating “you never put your closest ally on the block.”

    Now that nominations have been made, and her ally is in power, Brittnee seems to think she has it made for final two. But as we all know, this week is crucial and it all comes down to the final power of veto competition. Whomever wins the final POV, becomes the sole decider on who is evicted from the house this week, and who they will be battling it out with in the final three for the final HOH and a spot in final two. It all comes down to this, Canada! Who wants it more?